Sorry everyone. I really just talk on this thing to get things off my chest for myself. I sometimes forget that everyone can read this. I am not super awesome. I use the internet as a place to vent a lot, and more so when I get down on myself. Everything is good though, and I am going to make an effort to grow up.
You only live once, and I have to do some things to change how I am going about life. I am young, but that is no reason to stagnate. Why shouldn’t I try to be as happy as I can be. Why shouldn’t I work hard to get the things I want. Honestly. I was listening to The Current and the song Photograph by Weezer came on. The first line… If you want it, you can have it. But you gotta learn to reach up there and grab it… Well. I gotta learn to reach up there and grab it. Dumb I know, but hearing that really released a train of thought that almost broke me. I am thinking this weekend I may take a several hour drive out into the country, find a forest, walk as far as I can, and meditate for a while. I need to find some inner peace. I need to find myself again. I need relearn how to treat the people in my life. I need to relearn how to take care of myself.
I have a few choices to make. I am thinking about either going back to school, or working on opening my own business. Either one will be a financial, physical, and emotional burden. I feel like I need to do something besides what I am doing. Which is nothing. I need to prove to myself and everyone that I am not this semi-worthless asshole. Which I am. There is no doubt. I am selfish, a dirty hipster, judgey, and worst of all I tend to over think little things.
I need to shut my mouth a little more when it comes to friends and relationships. I shouldn’t complain or vent about that sort of thing, and I am sorry if I caused you to think poorly of me. Again. I really should just get a damn journal, and hand write my thoughts, but this is so much more convenient.
I went to lunch with a old friend of mine today. A man who really has his life together. Works a great job, great wife, great kids. He is over ten years older than me, but I feel like I need to at least start down the path he is on. I need to get something together and act on it. I need to reach up and take it.
So. In conclusion you should listen to that one Weezer song. I know the band jumped the shark, but the damn lyrics killed me. My mind broke today. I am sure I am gonna change myself now.
I have a job. I have had a job since I moved to Minnesota. This job is okay, and I like some of the people I work with. I would like to move to a better suited career in the near future, but for now I should not complain. They told me last week that I would lose this job if I did not move to overnights, and I am not willing to lose this job. So starting Monday I will. I will do anything for a new job though.
Positive outlook number two.
I have great friends. Many of them are out of reach or far away. I wish more than anything I could see or talk to them. If one of you read this. Take a moment and contact me. It really would mean the world to me at this time.
Positive outlook number three.
My family has always been amazing. I have never had any problem with them. I wish I was more active with them. I need to work with this. I moved back to Minnesota to be closer to them, and to start my life near them. I need to do more.
Positive outlook number four.
I am more confident in myself. I guess things with that girl have cooled off a little, although I really wish it hadn’t… I can safely say this is disappointing for me. She really was an amazing person. I thought she was beautiful and very intelligent. I guess I will take some time to myself and move on if it doesn’t continue. I hope I can find someone at least as awesome. I think I learned a lot from the experience though, and that has helped me in ways you won’t understand.
Positive outlook number five.
I have, like, the best dog in the world. She is amazing.
About to go to lunch with a good friend of mine. Really happy to be doing this. Need a positive jolt. Giving to much energy to failing parts of my life, and I am going to focus everything on what is working. Spend more time with family. Continue looking for work. I can’t keep pushing against a brick wall. I just need the brick wall to push back. JOBS! FRIENDS! GAH!
Time to jump in the shower, brush some teeth, and take the laundry out of the drier.
Feel free to continue to ask me things. It is Tuesday after all.
Nothing has really been going on. Things have cooled off in many areas. My job prospects were never very hot, but now they seem cold. My current crappy job is moving me to overnights next week, and that does not seem like it will be fun. The girl that I had gone on a few dates with is having family issues and has been pretty unreachable, which is fine and I can respect that, and I wish her the best (I still really like her, and can’t wait until she’s okay.). My bestfriend / roommate has spent the whole weekend at his girlfriends (I still really like him haha). I haven’t seen him in like weeks. I skipped a family get together on Saturday for no reason other than I didn’t want to have to drive that far. I should have just gone.
I am getting sick of trying to make things better when they always just seem to get worse. Blah. Thor help me. I only left the house this weekend so I could buy some food. I haven’t spoken yet today.
It always seems that the last week of winter is bad. I mean like the worst week of the year. Winter just holds on until death finally takes it.
Winter seems dead. It might get a brief comeback later this week, but it seems dead. Now the floods of spring come, and with that life starts over again.
But this past week… It sucked. Worked to much. Way to much. Missed out on many good things. People. Places. Objects. I overindulged when I had the option to, but everything went against me last week.
This week. Monday. It will suck, but not in the same way. It will suck because it was going to anyways. There is no karma involved. There is no plan getting passed around. This week will be a half and half week. Some things will suck, but by the end of it I will be happy. I will smile. I will drink. I will laugh. I will eat. I will smoke. I will come. I will do everything you wanted to do this week and more.
Fuck this week though, because Spring is a lie in Minnesota. Winter never dies.
I am having the most relaxed weekend of all time. I only got out of bed three times yesterday. Once to get pizza out of the fridge. Once to go to the bathroom. And once at 9 at night to go drinking for an hour and a half. Then back to bed. I have spent all day today in bed as well. I have tomorrow off.
It happened last night. Unlike the last few times I didn’t give you a heads up to keep me in your thoughts. Haha. Maybe this was the problem. It went alright, but it definitely felt a little more awkward at times. We went to a Mexican Restaurant. Went bowling. And then to a German bar / Club. There was a moment where she “I wanted to talk about something with you.” And I had a deer in the headlights look on my face. As she started to explain how she didn’t want to get into a serious relationship I thought she was saying she had no interest in a relationship so I went from deer in the headlights to slight panicked look. That was at dinner. It set the tone for the night.
I guess this is how I can explain what I thought. I am almost 26. I am fine with casual dating, but I want to start to get my life in line a little bit. I don’t like the words casual dating. The second it gets called casual dating is when it takes another step away from serious dating. I just want to be dating someone and see if it gets serious. It is totally possible for it to eventually still get there, but I am not sure if I want to gamble about it.
Okay. That happened. We talked the rest of the night, and everything was okay. Not great. Mostly good. We talked about seeing each other again, and made out for a while. So I guess we are still dating. Just casually.
It’s emerging from the heartland – from Wisconsin, Ohio, Indiana, Missouri, and Iowa — and it is spreading across the nation. It doesn’t have a formal organization or Washington lobbyists beyond it, but it’s gaining strength nonetheless. Like the Tea Party did with Republicans in 2010, the People’s Party will pressure Democrats in primaries and general elections leading up to 2012 and beyond to have the courage of the party’s core convictions. But unlike the Tea Party, which has been coopted by the super-rich, the People’s Party represents the needs and aspirations of America’s vast working middle class, along with the less fortunate.
The People’s Party is dedicated to the truth that America is a rich nation – richer by far than any other, richer than it’s ever been. The People’s Party rejects the claims of plutocrats who want us to believe we can no longer afford to live decently – who are cutting the wages and benefits of most people, attacking unions, and squeezing public budgets. The People’s Party will not allow them to turn us against one another – unionized against non-unionized, public employee against private employee, immigrant against native born. Nor will the People’s Party allow the privileged and powerful to distract us from the explosive concentration of income and wealth at the top, the decline in taxes paid by the top, and their increasing and untrammeled political power.
“In an interview with Fox News’ Megyn Kelly moments ago, State Senate Majority Leader Scott Fitzgerald (R-WI), one of Walker’s closest allies in the legislature, confirmed the true political motive of Walker’s anti-union push. Fitzgerald explained that “this battle” is about eliminating unions so that “the money is not there” for the labor movement. Specifically, he said that the destruction of unions will make it “much more difficult” for President Obama to win reelection in Wisconsin…”—
First we went to Minnehaha Falls. It was messy and hard. We scaled down the steps and up the icey slopes. I will share one picture with you in the next post. It was amazing to say the least to be walking behind a frozen waterfalls. A ballsy second date idea?
Then we went to Salut on Grand ave for dinner. Which was in itself amazing. Had a drink. Walk to a bar and had another couple drinks.
Then. Then we went (slightly) drunk sledding. I am excited to say nobody got hurt, but this was so amazing. We were totally alone sledding in the dark, and it was a perfectly clear night.
Hot chocolate at Dunn brothers.
Got her to her car, and found out I’m a terrible kisser.
I am waiting for the call back that says I am fired. I have spent all morning applying for other jobs. I am not being dramatic. I was told if I went home early last week with a headache I would get fired. So. Yeah.
They really treat temp workers badly where I work.